Bennett's time and mommy's time....we're starting to butt heads over here! LOL. I know-in his own time, yeah I get that but sometimes it's just so hard. Oh I'll get over it, I have no choice but meanwhile Bennett could be enlisted in the Army with his commando crawling...
3 months folks.
He's been doing this for 3 months-although it's gotten much more efficient and his little bottom gets higher and higher, I feel like we're still in a milestone rut. Why won't he lift up on his arms? But I also think since I'm with him everyday I don't see the changes as much. He is very close to pulling up but I guess I have this huge milestone date of:
MAY 22, 2011
Bennett {according to his crazy and at times unrealistic mommy} should be walking-after all he'll be 2 and this is the average age that kids with DS start walking. I guess it's so hard because I have a lot of pride involved. Which is not good, I know. And yes, the ugly green monster starts to appear when I see other kids his age with DS that are starting to do things that he's just not ready for.
So being totally honest here- what I really think is what the heck?! Mike and I both received scholarships to college in swimming, we were both really good athletes growing up so why doesn't Bennett have better muscle tone!? Why is this so hard for him? Is that silly? Maybe. Probably. Yes. But that's what I think sometimes. I guess it just doesn't have much to do with it. I mean for the most part I'm okay with it but I guess I just thought- oh, he'll be good in that department, even with his extra chromosome because he comes from good genes. Hey, I told you I was being honest and there's some pride involved here. Working on this pride issue.
Oh, get over it Adrienne.
Suck it up.
And I will. Really, in the grand scheme of things, this is sooo not a big deal. And besides, I don't put these unnecessary expectations on my girls but maybe I just assume all will be fine with them.
Aggghhh!
Ya'll know I love him and I'm very proud of him, I just want the best for him. We want the best for him. Thanks for reading my random, honest, mommy thoughts.
I think it is completely normal to have thoughts such as these. I know that when my husband and I finally attended our first Ds playgroup with our daughter, we left feeling a little bitter. Not in a bad way, but similar to what (I think) you are feeling. We compared. The. whole. way. home. "That little kid, _____, is already reaching and tracking at 8 months. Did Cami do that? No." Or, "Hey, that kid is 23 months and is almost running proficiently."
ReplyDeleteIt is hard. It is difficult. And for someone with patience issues (me) it is the greatest challenge of my life some days.
Bennett is adorable, and he and Cameran (19 months and not crawling ANY way) will get there someday. Screw the charts ;)
Oh my goodness...I have had these same exact thoughts...I too have the date May 18, 2011 running through my mind! Emily is just now starting to pull up but I do think her treatment will set her back at times...I know I need to just let it go...and just like you and your husband, Jason and I were pretty good athletes growing up so like you I thought maybe those genes would come into play...still waiting on that one! We all know how much you love Bennett but it's good to voice your frusteration at times...it helps to just put it out there! I love the new header, the photos are AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteThanks for being an honest, random mommy! :)
ReplyDeleteIt is hard, waiting for that next thing. I always describe it like waiting for a sneeze that just won't come. For months!
Aaaah, but the reward is just so, so sweet.
And as for having high expectations for your son...in my (humble) opinion, I think you'd be doing him a greater disservice if you didn't. If your thoughts were filled with "can't"s and "never"s, and you just wrote him off. There will be times in his life when he'll need a great cheerleader. And you'll be just the mommy for the job!!
Oh man do I hear you!!! I can be brought to tears when I see how some other kids Sweet Pea's age with DS can do things that she is no where near being able to do. It's good for us to push our kids, but not so good that we take it so personal when they don't hit arbitrary milestones that we have set for them. I think Bennett and Sweet Pea will continue to develop at their own rate and achieve these milestones when they are ready.
ReplyDeleteBottom line, don't feel bad about having those feelings as they are completely normal. Just think how sweet the day will be when he does crawl on all fours (or three and a foot) because you have been waiting so long! He is probably just saving up a few tricks to break out when you are just about at your wits end...so it could be coming soon! ;-)
it is hard. Jimmy seems so close to walking and I even dreamed he was walking and I told his PT. She then told me that from the time he can stand on his own to his first steps can be 6-8 months and then it's another 6-8 months before they really master walking. i guess my Christmas projection was way off and Jimmy is 2 and a 1/4. one day they will be walking and we won't remember the times when they weren't. right?!
ReplyDeletejust imagine, he could have had even lower tone if it wasn't for the good genes. you never know.
totally with ya!
Christi
I'm so glad that I am not the only Mom that feels this way too! My sweet Brendan is about to turn 3, will be starting preschool next week, and he still isn't fully walking! We're sooo close to it, but it has taken sooooo long! He has kept all of us, including his PT therapist guessing for months...we kept saying that it should be a matter of weeks, and then those have come and gone. The days that he does takes those 8-10 steps by himself I see the pride in this eyes, and I know it's all worth the wait.
ReplyDeleteI could say the exact same things, from comparing to others to feeling like I'm healthy and we are strong and athletic, so he'll be okay there! WRONG! I read a blog post yesterday that has me re-thinking a lot. The gist was in what I'll ask you here (as I'd ask myself): "If you were Bennett, would you be able to crawl on your hands and knees?" If you think so, then expect it. BUT, we don't know and you'd want to be accepted, so do that for him. This is advice I will constantly have to remind myself of as I watch my Calvin grow and develop. He will get there, he will walk and run!! And he does things we will never be able to do, it's just measured on a different scale.
ReplyDeleteIlisa
no judging here! Bennett is a RockSTar! but I get overwhelmed by the milestone time-table I have in my head...and I feel like sometimes things take forever...great post...I needed this post..I am feeling the same thing with Maddie...and I feel like I am letting our OT's and Maddie down like I am not working with Maddie enough...but I do! she just is not ready...I think she is just faster with her army crawl..it is cute to watch there little butts go back and forth! smiles
ReplyDeleteOh how I relate to this! It is SO HARD to wait for our kids to reach milestones, especially when other kids around are passing them up.
ReplyDeleteBennett's army crawl is so cute though! My Wesley has continued to get faster and faster in his army crawl and now he zips across the floor like a pro. I still wish he'd get up on all fours if he's going to crawl, but I'm learning to just enjoy watching him go (and keep my floors clean)! :-)
I am right there with you. Thank you for your honesty, I think we all are subject to these feelings of I WANT MORE for him/her. I think this is good and bad. You are an incredible mommy and Bennett is so lucky that you hold that bar so high. Be patient WITH YOURSELF. I have to remind myself of this all the time...And even though we know that certain things will come with time, honestly, it doesn't make it ANY easier to hear it or to have to wait. Hang in there. And, yes, Bennett comes from GREAT genes =)
ReplyDeletethis is a very difficult test in patience, adrienne. remind yourself of what bennett can do, how far he's come, and try not to focus on what he isn't doing yet. HE WILL.
ReplyDeletei still have these same feelings--i just move from one thing to the next--i wish he could jump better, i wish he could speak more, i wish, i wish...etc. it's only natural. but every once in a while i remind myself that there are many folks who will never see their children do any of this. and instantly i'm reminded of how lucky i am and that patience seems to grow and multiply!
hugs, friend!
I think Luke is doing great, and he was not quite walking at 2. But now he's running! Bennett doesn't know he's supposed to crawl a particular way, and he's getting around just fine commando. Once he gets good enough at typical crawling, and it's just as fast, THEN he'll bother. Speed wins for our little guys! Once he's off, you'll be like me and wonder what all the fuss was about- then he'll just be into trouble!
ReplyDeleteI'd say been there...but we are there. Ella does the EXACT same thing....but she uses her legs less. She has been doing the army crawl since she was about 10 months...so we are going on almost 5 months. (Ella's b-day is June 8th) I took it up with our PT and she said it was a motor planning issue. So you know those people who can watch an aerobics instructor and just do it....she is the opposite and each movement has to be broken down and explained....I am a dancer...you can see the problem.
ReplyDeletehe is doing great...i think if our angels were 'typical' we would not even think about this stuff. i just remind myself that if maggie rae does not walk at 2 that her sisters started walking at different times and so does everyone with ds. so we just take it one day at a time and love our little babies every step of the way :)
ReplyDeleteUmmm - so there with you - and Anna will be 3 in April. I keep praying that she will be walking before I send her off to pre-school! And - a word would be nice - any word -- Mommy would be the sweetest music ever - but I will settle for "No!" right now. (and based on her current attitude - that is a pretty safe bet)
ReplyDeleteBTW - not to discourage - but Anna army crawled for about 9 mos. before finally adopting proper crawling. Just strap a couple of dust rags on him and let him clean =)
It WILL happen, eventually =)
I think the average age is not 24 months but 24 to 36 months or even "before three years old" which means the target should be 30 or 36 months. Sorry guys. None of the four "turned two last month" kiddies in our local group are too close or too far from walking and that army crawl turns into the three legged but also a straight legged bear crawl. My 26 month old (next week) still rarely crawls with bent legs (too far) but he's highly mobile and close to walking. He took five steps the night before he turned two but has only repeated it twice. His peers are taking two to three steps or none.
ReplyDeleteBut they are all highly mobile and curious and getting lots of bilateral movement practice which one OT says is critical to cognitive development (for all kids) and helps with handwriting!! Small consolation but we will take it as a good healthy rationalization for now.
One 19 month old has excellent balance and a very strong core but doesn't step much. My sons ability to balance is short but hes mastering squatting very well now. One three year old walked at 14 months! The range is large but even outside the range means more crawling?!
I also think the range for statistics should be split between kids with heart conditions and without. The kids with recover and do great but if it's ongoing or for earlier milestones, the months of slower progress here and there must add up.
Thanks for your honesty, it keeps us honest in our own thoughts too. :)
I just wanted to say that I love how honest you are. I feel like sometimes people are afraid to say what they think because they they feel people will judge them...and I also want to say that my oldest daughter(who does not have DS) did the army crawl from 10 months until she started taking some steps at 14 months...
ReplyDeletehey Adrienne....I didn't have that problem with JEB on walking, since he had cataracht issues and didn't have his surgery till he was 2 and then within a couple of months after the surgery, he was walking with no problems. I had the patience problem with his talking/speech.
ReplyDeleteHe's 10 yrs old and still does not speak clearly....I still have to dicipher what he's saying most days. While there are many things he says well and very clearly, most things are a mumble-jumble of something. I kept saying "He'll talk when he's ready"....he totally understands what is being said, he just can't necessarily repeat it or say anything that's even close. BUT I know that in his own time, it will come.
The video of him crawling is so cute. My little guy used to "crawl" sitting up. He would waddle back and forth and get everywhere this way. It was the funniest thing. He did this for 5 months....which seemed like forever at the time. My other two walked before 12 months so when he wasn't walking at a year I was so worried. But now he is running and it seems like ages ago I worried that he would never walk.
ReplyDeleteMy doctor also mentioned that once they find something that works for them, its hard to get them to do something else, especially with strong-willed children! I think Bennett is fabulous and will walk when he's ready. Hang in there, I know its not easy.
Not sure if this will make you feel better - but Brennan has been commando crawling for about a year. Yep. He just started pulling himself to stand and will be 3 in March. So, he's definitely on his own schedule! A friend of mine has a daughter a week younger than Brennan who has Down syndrome. She's walking, talking in sentences, potty trained and is attending a private preschool with all typical peers. Yep, kinda hard not to compare since our kids share the extra 21st, but they really couldn't be more different from each other! Brennan is learning and thriving and loving life...its just those big milestones that take time!
ReplyDeleteRuby army crawled until the week of her 2nd birthday and then one day she just got up and started crawling on all fours.She's 26 months old now and I'm thinking,walk,walk,walk :)
ReplyDeleteI have the exact same 2 year mark in my head for Max walking! And if he isn't, I already have it justified that he didn't bear weight on his legs at all until he was 10 months old ;)
ReplyDeleteMy little man is 25 months, and JUST started crawling on hands and knees (after army crawling for toooooo long :). It seems like he "bloomed" all at the same time (Have you read the children's book Leo the Late-Bloomer? It's the best!!) In the same month, he started crawling on all fours cruising holding on to furniture and the plain walls and TALKING!! Up until that point, he only had two signs, but all at once-BAM! He now can say 33 words!! Girl, your time is comin'!
ReplyDeleteThe gift we have as special mamas is that boy do we ever appreciate milestones. I don't take one thing my little man does for granted-and do we ever celebrate the new things our little man does!!
Hugs!!
Be nice to yourself. We all do it and I have to remember that even if it seems little and silly I may still need to let myself grieve that loss so I can LET IT GO! You're a wonderful mother!
ReplyDeleteThis is the oximeter we have for Max...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.vitalitymedical.com/Product/Oximeter-Plus-C5-Child-Finger-Pulse-Oximeter-OXIC5.html
I hope all of these comments have given you comfort in knowing you are not alone in your frustrations. "In their own time" has been one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with, too. It's like you can accept that our kids will be delayed compared to typical kids, that's just part of the diagnosis, but when compared with other kids with Ds, it's like taking a daggar to the heart. Megs didn't even start to crawl until she was 23 months, and that was on on one knee and one foot...never did the regular crawl thing. She just started walking at 2 1/2. Bennett is doing awesome and will find his own way to get to what he wants. He has two beautiful sisters as role models that before long, he will be chasing around and getting into their things! Kudos to you for sharing your most sensitive and honest feelings with all of us...you continue to inspire!
ReplyDeleteWow watching Bennett was like watching Saira all over again. And just for the record Saira army crawled like forever, it's just about 3 months that she started creeping on all fours and she's27 months now....I can't tell you how excited we were. The way we did it was by putting a cloth under her chest and holding the two ends while she crawled there by holding her body off the floor and she actually had to crawl on all fours, little by little we gave her less and less support, she did this for a week and at the end of it was crawling on her own!
ReplyDeleteAs for the comparison, it's very hard not to do that, I still compare Saitra to other kids with DS who seem to be doing so many things that she is not. Having expectations is natural and so it's hard when we see they are behind another child with DS forget comparing them to a typical child. This si what they teach us isn't it, patience and more patience. Bennett is gorgeous and I loved his crawling, don't worry once he's up and about there'll probably be no stopping him!
It is impossible to not compare, but comparisons can make it hard. Rachel did not walk until she was three. She crawled for about a year. I was afraid she would be the first Ds kid to never learn to walk! Now she pretty much runs wherever she goes, and I spend my time fretting over the fact that other kids are writing their names and we do good to get Rachel to scribble on a piece of paper. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteWe have a big local group of kids with Ds. And I can say that they all develop soooo differently... that "walking at 2" is something we moms shoot for, but another blog commenter was right when they said it's somewhere between 2 and 3. Some do it before 2 and some do it just before 3. I know it's hard sometimes or frustrating, especially when they get hard to carry around. When John Michael was working on his gross motor, his speech would lag. It just seems like they can't do two major milestones at the same time. You know in your heart that Bennett will walk and we'll be right here to cheer him on. Every. step. of. the. way...
ReplyDeleteThose were some great comments and I love to hear that so many kiddos are in the same boat. Ok, love and hate to hear that, but you know what I mean! The last suggestion about the cloth made me think of adding one thing that helped us. Sweet Pea would crawl on hands and knees for about 4 inches before dropping to the floor and combat crawling. Our PT told us to put things like 8 inches in front of her, but off the floor so that she kept her head up. It didn't work perfect, but it certainly got her to do it a little more and we kept extending the distance and eventually she just ditched combat for her hands, foot & knee crawl. Just another thing to try when the time is right.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!!!
Ok...we HAVE to get the boys together again soon because I would LOVE to see them commando crawling all over the place together! It would be so cute!!
ReplyDeleteLOL Cracking up at you reprimanding yourself. It can be hard, and it only gets harder. LOL. I know, real encouraging, right? But yes ... he will walk!! One day, he will walk. And the longer you wait, the sweeter it is. :)
ReplyDeleteI am seriously behind in blogland, but wanted to say love you girlfriend! I SO get it, here is the thing on the army crawl..B has a terrific cross pattern crawl. Parker moved out of army crawl quickly to all 4's, BUT I've been trying to get him back down to army crawl!!! You NEED to know that B's cross pattern is doing terrific stuff for his neuro development as well as his physical ability to walk properly! Seriously!! XO
ReplyDeletehttp://nacd.org/newsletter/1009_down_syndrome_crawling.php
http://nacd.org/journal/article14.php