When we first found out about Bennett having Down syndrome and the heart defect there was a big part of me that did not think he would be born alive or that I would miscarry. I was told that there is a slightly higher stillborn rate with babies that have DS and with the heart defect on top of that I just really thought he might not make it. This was before I started reading about all of these other babies on other blogs that have had the same heart defect that Bennett has as well as DS and how they are doing fine now.
So I hesitated to decorate his room for a while, but came around to doing that and I will post pics soon :) I hesitated to buy any clothes for him, but came around to doing that as well but I did not remove the tags and I saved all the receipts. So depressing to think about, I know, but I just really didn't know and still don't. No one knows what will happen to their baby regardless if they have DS or a heart defect or if they are perfectly healthy.
So today I opened his closet and because I'm trying to get everything ready, (washing the car seat cover, swing cover, neutral colored blankets that Ainsley and Harper used, sheets, etc.) I looked at his cute little clothes and decided it was time, I started taking the tags off so I could wash them and put them in his dresser because I have to believe and have faith in God that everything is going to be okay. I've been having these awful visions that he's born and then for some reason doesn't make it and it really scares me. But I think today was a big step for me to just let go and realize I need to stay positive and stop thinking about what could happen and focus on the joy he is going to bring to all of us. It's strange because right now I'm not worried about the DS or the heart defect so much, I'm more worried about loosing him and never getting to know who Bennett really is. I'm sorry to be so depressing but this is a turning point in the pregnancy for me, instead of focusing on the DS and all the things that can come with that, I just want to have my baby and I don't care if he has DS right now, I just want to bring him home to meet his sister's and grandparents and aunts and uncles and everyone that has been waiting to hold him. It's truly amazing how much love you can have for someone that you've never met before.