He'll Give You Strength When You Need It.

Looking back on Bennett's surgery and really back to December when we found out about Bennett's diagnosis we have been on a roller coaster of emotions. For weeks before Bennett was born I would be fine and excited about his birth and then I would quickly turn and be terrified of it all and the future. As we waited while he was in surgery one minute we were fine, smiling, joking and the next minute were were crying, terrified of what might happen. I remember talking to my sister on the phone while we waited and I told her how I just didn't want to see Bennett on a breathing tube when he came out and I was afraid of what he might look like-I had seen pictures and they were scary. She said:

"God will give you the strength for that when you need it. You don't have it now because you don't need it now but when the time comes, he'll give you that strength to get through it."

And she was so right. I thought about when I handed Bennett over to the doctor just an hour before to take him to surgery and how I thought I would start bawling but I didn't. Of course I cried a little but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. God was there, when I needed him at that very time to give me strength for that. And when I walked into Bennett's room to see him for the first time after surgery, God gave me the strength to see my little baby laying there all hooked up to a million wires (no breathing tube by the way) and it wasn't that bad. I was calm and just happy to see him.

People say "I can't imagine having to go through what you've gone through" and of course you can't and it scares you to think about having to go through something like that. Just like it scared me or how I think I could never deal with having a child in the hospital with cancer or losing one of my parents or family members or taking care of my son that my live with us when he's grown. That's because we don't have that strength to get through those things now because we don't need it right now. God knows when we need that strength at just the right time. His timing is perfect. I'm no stronger than the next person. But when I look back at the times I was most afraid of something, it may not have been easy but I had the strength to get through it and it was not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. So remember that next time you think you could never endure something or you just won't be able to handle some crisis. I believe God is just waiting for us to ask him for that strength when we need it at the perfect time.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand-Isaiah 41:10

For now, even though they say life can be like a roller coaster, it has it's ups and downs and sometimes flips, Mike and I are hoping to stay off of the big roller coaster and hang out on the kiddie rides for a while!;)

Yes, I think this ride will do for now...fun but not scary! But when or if it's time to jump back on that big roller coaster I know God will be there to help me through the scary times just when I need him to.