I hope I'm not but here goes- when we first found out about Bennett in those awful and dark hours in my private thoughts, I thought what will he look like? He won't look like me or Mike, he'll just look like all those other people that have DS. I know, I know- sounds harsh but I didn't know. Now that I've done research and really looked into it I see that Bennett will of course have all of my genes and Mike's genes and they aren't mutated or anything crazy like that, there is just simply one extra and this is what throws off the balance of the chemical makeup of the body.
So I've visited several blogs in the last few months and I'm so happy to see that the children with DS resemble their parents and siblings- very much so, yes many of them have the common characteristics of DS but they don't all look a like, like I previously thought before I was educated. They are very different just like we are all very different but yet they share that common bond with their families. I don't know why I was thinking about this today but just wondering- am I the only one that thought that- come on, others had to think this? Was I that uneducated about DS? The answer is yes I was uneducated about it and still have a lot to learn, like so many others and that's okay but I'm glad now that at least I can help educate my family and friends on something that they may have not known much about or paid attention to.
Now I'm really excited to see who little Bennett will resemble. Secretly, (well I guess it's not a secret now!) I'm kind of hoping he has a head full of white blond hair like I did when I was a baby- a "towhead". Both my girls were born with dark brown hair and although Ainsley has some blond in hers, it will most likely be brown. Nothing is wrong with this of course and Mike does have very dark brown hair so it's expected that our kids will have dark hair. Even mine is dark now (if I didn't high-light it:)) And wouldn't it be neat to have a baby with blue eyes- Mike's dad has blue eyes- it's not impossible is it? Oh , I'll take whatever I get and love him just the same but it's fun to think about it!
Gosh, no, you're not the only one to think that, nor are you the only mom to a baby with DS who just doesn't know much about it at all. I was a teacher for seven years before quitting to have kids, and I still had very, very little experience with DS. I think the biggest shocker for me (and this is embarrassing to admit) was that I didn't really realize that DS kids were born to NORMAL parents. I mean, I knew they could be, but I didn't realize they all were. I don't really remember *what* I thought, but I was just kind of in shock not only that it could (and did) happen to me, but that all the families I have gotten to know are just like I am...completely normal. That is comforting.
ReplyDeleteBenjamin looks a little bit more like I do than he does my husband, but both my sons have my husband's blue eyes, and my older son is a spitting image of him. Maybe one day I'll have a daughter who resembles me. :)
I agree, you aren't the only one! Everyone says that Lily looks like me...blond hair and blue eyes (some say beautiful blue eyes). I was looking at some baby pictures of my nieces and nephew yesterday and even think I see Lily in her cousins.
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited for you. What a great journey you are about to go on!
We didn't find out Mattie had ds until after she was born so I didn't have that experience. I do find now that she looks like a mixture of both her sisters. As we visit many different blogs, we also find that Mattie resembles some of the babies too. In fact, I was just visiting a blog and she says, "Hey, she looks just like Mattie." So even though our children do look mostly like those in their family, they also share that special bond with others just like them.
ReplyDeleteMy little brother has DS and he is 26 he hasn't had any complications we are blessed that he is super healthy,it is amazing at how far things have came since he was born,,he always amazed me,when he was 6 months he was put in a special center and learned sign language it was amazing to watch him as a little thing just signing away.Children with DS have such innocence about them.Thanks for sharing your journey! I am praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have a prenatal diagnosis, so I never had a chance to think that, but I understand what you are saying and I'd probably think the same thing if I had a prenatal diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, my bio daughter looks more like us than anything else. ;)
I just recently found your blog through another blog and wanted to say congrats on the upcoming birth of Bennett! What exciting times!
ReplyDeleteNo you are not the only one who has thought that either :) We didn't know prenatally that our daughter would have Ds (although it was suspected because of the results of my triple screen, we declined the amnio). I tried not to think of it too much throughout my pregnancy (if I didn't think about it wouldn't be true!) so after she was born and they placed her on my stomach I knew right away that she did have Ds, I could just see it all over her face. I do remember at some point that I thought she wouldn't look like my husband or me. But as you said, I've since found out that yeah she has a combination of our genes too! LOL People will say sometimes she looks like me, and sometimes like Joe, honestly I just don't see it! I see some kids who are a spitting image of one of their parents, but I don't see that with my daughter; and I also don't see that with my son (who doesn't have Ds) I can't tell that he looks like either one of us! So I guess they just got a good blend of genes :)
Anyway, I'm looking forward to following your blog and welcoming Bennett into this world!
You are not alone!
ReplyDeleteAs is the case with all new babies - you wonder who the new little one will look like... When Malakai was born and diagnosed I remember clearly thinking - he will not take after us... he will look different... I was very sad. But that was an uneducated fear - he does in fact look alot like his father and has the same mannerisms (the way he sleeps, his expressions etc).
Yes, he will have some features that are different from us, but he will also resemble us! I like to say he is 50% me, 50% my husband and 101% Malakai!
Bennet is one lucky little peanut and he will be just beautiful!!
Haha! Too funny! He is going to be precious either way, and I can't wait to see pictures later! Turns out Grey has a few more features of mine than I at first thought and as a veteran mom :) you know that they grow more and more into their features as the weeks go on. It's fascinating to see them grow into the little people they are, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteAhhh yes. We refer to those times, with lots of thoughts like that, as "the dark ages." For fathers day several years ago, I bought a onesie for my oldest son that said, "If you think I'm handsome, you should see my Daddy." When I was pregnant with Matthew, I actually worried that he wouldn't be able to wear that shirt! Would his daddy be offended? Would other people be offended? Would it just look ridiculous? But, of course, Matthew is as cute as cute can be, and I put him in that onesie all the time! Looking back, it all seems so silly . . . but at the time those thoughts and feelings and fears were very, very real. My friend, Libby, shared with me that she worried and worried about what their future family portraits would look like! You are definitely not alone, but you have such a great attitude - Bennett is a lucky, blessed little guy.
ReplyDeleteI'm expecting a little girl with down syndrome in May, and I have to say I had the same reaction at first - I was thinking about the guy who bags groceries & collects the carts at the local Safeway. After I thought about it for a bit though I realized that what actually makes him look odd is not the down syndrome, but the crew cut & coke-bottle glasses, which are unflattering on anyone (and I would sincerely hope that none of my girls will ever shave their heads, ha,ha). Visiting blogs with everyone's pictures of their beautiful kids posted has really helped - because of course they look more like their siblings & parents than they look different from them, and just seeing photos of kids with down syndrome being happy, laughing regular kids is very reassuring.
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