So I have no idea why I've become like this, I really don't think I was like this before. It's almost like since 2 kind of rare things have happened to us with our babies (Ainsley and her Hydrops at birth and Bennett and his Down syndrome) I think why not? Why not have something else weird or tragic happen to us. I know, that's not being faithful and it's more like living in fear but it's just something that I'm dealing with.
So recently, about a month ago I suddenly had pain under my right rib, mainly when pressure was applied or when I coughed or sneezed. I let it go for about 2 weeks and then I thought I'd get it checked out. I googled it to death-"pain under right rib" and gall bladder came up, pulled muscle, fractured or bruised rib and then occasionally CANCEROUS MASS would pop up.
Well, you know what I focused on people- the cancerous mass. So again, visions started popping up, thoughts entered my head. I went to the doctor and he did say he could feel "something". Picture it, all three kids are in the exam room, the girls are fighting back and forth and I'm lying there while the doctor is feeling around my stomach, saying "It doesn't feel like a hepatic mass, hmm but something."
Now, I'm very blunt and want to get right down to the point and discuss the worse so I look up at him and say "I'm talking cancer here", he says, in the same blunt manner- "I know you are and so am I and that's not what I think it is". "Well then what is it?" He says-" I don't know, let's order an ultrasound."
So then I'm really nervous. The doctor doesn't know but he still feels "something" and it still hurts when I push it, that's not normal.
So I go for the ultrasound and then I see the doctor again and he comes in saying "good news, you're healthy, your ultrasound was normal!" Then I say-"then what's wrong with me, it still hurts!". So he lays me down and once again he says "Hmm, I can still feel something, but it feels smooth and small" but he still says he's not concerned, just perplexed. So he then says "I hate to do this but I'd like you to have an MRI, I just don't want you walking around undiagnosed and I'm really curious as to what this is". Umm, can you say FREAKING OUT!? I continue to ask him, "you're not concerned though, right?"
So I waited for two weeks and today was the day for my MRI. It went fine but now I wait...again, to hear from the doctor. I'm no longer freaking out because surely I'd have more symptoms if it was really bad, right? I'm hoping and praying it's a pulled muscle from lugging Bennett around (he's now over 17 pounds) in his car seat up and down two flights of stairs every day for Ainsley's preschool. Or perhaps from working out. But lying in that big white machine, you can't help but let your mind wonder.
At this point I just want to know why on earth it hurts when I push on my lower rib!! And what is it that the doctor "feels"??
I guess I should have answers in the next 24-48 hours but just asking for you to pray that it is something as silly as a pulled muscle so I can move on and work on my issues with health paranoia!! Good grief, I just need to relax and stop thinking the "worst" is going to happen to me!