Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A Little Health Update...

Not for Bennett though, for me. Let me back track a little and start by saying that after having Bennett I've become, ahh, rather paranoid when it comes to my health. For example back in the summer I was convinced a mole I had was melanoma (it does run in my family and I have had several basal cells removed so it wouldn't be unheard of)- I didn't, of course. Then after the swine flu went through our house I was convinced I had pneumonia-my asthma flared up and it hasn't done that in years and I got myself all worked up- a z-pak, nebulizer treatments and some prednisone took care of that.

So I have no idea why I've become like this, I really don't think I was like this before. It's almost like since 2 kind of rare things have happened to us with our babies (Ainsley and her Hydrops at birth and Bennett and his Down syndrome) I think why not? Why not have something else weird or tragic happen to us. I know, that's not being faithful and it's more like living in fear but it's just something that I'm dealing with.

So recently, about a month ago I suddenly had pain under my right rib, mainly when pressure was applied or when I coughed or sneezed. I let it go for about 2 weeks and then I thought I'd get it checked out. I googled it to death-"pain under right rib" and gall bladder came up, pulled muscle, fractured or bruised rib and then occasionally CANCEROUS MASS would pop up.

Well, you know what I focused on people- the cancerous mass. So again, visions started popping up, thoughts entered my head. I went to the doctor and he did say he could feel "something". Picture it, all three kids are in the exam room, the girls are fighting back and forth and I'm lying there while the doctor is feeling around my stomach, saying "It doesn't feel like a hepatic mass, hmm but something."

Now, I'm very blunt and want to get right down to the point and discuss the worse so I look up at him and say "I'm talking cancer here", he says, in the same blunt manner- "I know you are and so am I and that's not what I think it is". "Well then what is it?" He says-" I don't know, let's order an ultrasound."

So then I'm really nervous. The doctor doesn't know but he still feels "something" and it still hurts when I push it, that's not normal.

So I go for the ultrasound and then I see the doctor again and he comes in saying "good news, you're healthy, your ultrasound was normal!" Then I say-"then what's wrong with me, it still hurts!". So he lays me down and once again he says "Hmm, I can still feel something, but it feels smooth and small" but he still says he's not concerned, just perplexed. So he then says "I hate to do this but I'd like you to have an MRI, I just don't want you walking around undiagnosed and I'm really curious as to what this is". Umm, can you say FREAKING OUT!? I continue to ask him, "you're not concerned though, right?"

So I waited for two weeks and today was the day for my MRI. It went fine but now I wait...again, to hear from the doctor. I'm no longer freaking out because surely I'd have more symptoms if it was really bad, right? I'm hoping and praying it's a pulled muscle from lugging Bennett around (he's now over 17 pounds) in his car seat up and down two flights of stairs every day for Ainsley's preschool. Or perhaps from working out. But lying in that big white machine, you can't help but let your mind wonder.

At this point I just want to know why on earth it hurts when I push on my lower rib!! And what is it that the doctor "feels"??

I guess I should have answers in the next 24-48 hours but just asking for you to pray that it is something as silly as a pulled muscle so I can move on and work on my issues with health paranoia!! Good grief, I just need to relax and stop thinking the "worst" is going to happen to me!

16 comments:

  1. You're not alone with the paranoid behavior. I did the same thing after Morgan was born. I had this overwhelming realization of my mortality and thought I was dying with every little thing. I knew I had a cancerous mole right after she was born. It wasn't. I think it was a combination of having something go 'wrong' with my body during her conception and then realizing this little baby was completely dependent on me. Possibly for her entire life. It was overwhelming and maybe my own weird way of coping. I am glad everything was fine with your ultrasound and will anxiously be waiting to hear about your mri results. Good luck!

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  2. First of all, 17 POUNDS!! You go Bennett!! That is awesome! Remember all that worrying about weight gain before?! :)
    I am sorry to hear you have another "something" come up. No fun at all. I will definitely pray it is something that is no big deal. Keep us updated.

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  3. Oh man, praying it is nothing!

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  4. Since Jessie was born I'm a bit the same way. I don't obsess about it exactly or assume the worst but I certainly think about it and maybe get things checked out sooner than I might otherwise. I think it's like someone else commented...I know I need to be around and healthy, able to take care of Jessie for a longer time than I expect to "need" to in the same kind of way for my other 2 children. Not that I would ever want to leave them, I just don't expect them to need me in exactly the same way. I've had a different kind of pain in my back going on for a while now and I'm thinking....I remember someone else that had undiagnosed pain (in different places) that turned out to be cancer...could it be a tumor? It could be anything, but probably we're all fine!

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  5. Sending you a prayer for peace, because you are fine!!!!! I am like that too.It is weird but I always think the absolute worst, all the time. I recently had to go for an MRI on my back and I was convinced I should look for a burial plot. Came back fine. But I'm still undiagnosed. I think you got a good Dr. He just wants to cover all the bases.at least you'll know exactly what it is or rather isn't. Stay calm and prayers to you!

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  6. Prayers are being said at our home for you too...You are not paranoid, I would be doing the same thing...it is good that you listen to yourself...every woman and man should. Hang in there Adrienne...:)))))

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  7. I'm a pediatric nurse, so adults are not my specialty, but the first things I think of are hernia, benign cyst, or maybe a hairline fracture on your rib from strain. Good luck and I'm sure the result will be nothing and you'll be able to rest easy. Good for you for having it thoroughly checked out!

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  8. Since I almost died from an ectopic pregnancy 5 yrs ago, I have panick attacks all the time. They get less frequent every year, luckily. Isn't it crazy how our minds just take over our rational self. And then when there really is something wrong, we assume the worst. Praying your 'pain' is nothing!

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  9. You know I have been feeling the same way myself over the last year ... that something is going to happen to me (I always think some sort of cancer). I hate being anxious but I struggle with the fear that something else will happen to our family too. Sometimes it's just so difficult to let it go and trust God.

    I will be praying for you - that the MRI comes back normal and that God gives you peace as you wait for the results.

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  10. I did this after Clayton was born for a while. I thought we were all going to die from something tragic. Thankfully we didn't.

    Hopefully it's nothing, but it's good to know for sure.

    Praying for you guys.

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  11. It can be difficult at times not the think the worst; however, the thing to remember is that the ultrasound came back clear, so that's definitely a good sign. Plus, the doctor does not seem to be too overly concerned. Please keep us posted as to the results of the MRI, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  12. Praying for a silly pulled muscle and, more importantly, a peaceful mind.

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  13. I'm thinking about you Adrienne...but I can COMPLETELY understand your fears...i deal with them on a daily basis as well!

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  14. thinking about you, adrienne! can't wait to hear that good news that everything comes back fine from the mri (but that you get an answer of some sort!) mike things i am always thinking everything is the worst possible scenario... maybe it is just our job to "prepare" for anything (maybe guys are sometimes a little TOO laid back and that is why they need us around? to balance things out?) :) let us know when you find out!!!

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  15. I am so much the same way.....therefore my absolute favorite Bible verse is "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a strong mind" I am praying for you but feel so sure it will turn out to be nothing. I am almost 60 years old and have imagined myself and my children to have almost every disease know to man...and wasted so much good energy doing so!!

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