First off, I usually don't blog this many times in one day but I've got a few things to blog about so here I go...
Well, if all goes as planned Bennett will be making his debut on Friday, May 22nd! My c-section is scheduled for 8:30 that morning. It has been approved and all necessary doctors and staff should be available for our little guy!
Now, onto some really cool news- at least I think it's cool. So they call me back for my appointment today and the ultrasound lady is the one taking me back-I'm thinking, I'm not supposed to get an ultrasound today but okay. She asks if it's okay if she looks at the baby's heart because she has a student with her and they got a new level II ultrasound machine (same one as the specialists have) and she'd like to point some things out to her student. So I said sure, I love seeing little Bennett, we'll see him again tomorrow morning but if it will help someone in training, why not? (Just so you know, he still has a heart defect, that's not the neat news)
So we're in there and they are looking at the heart and discussing it and we start talking about the baby and Down syndrome and measurements and then she says "You know Dr. So and So has a son with Down syndrome"? (Dr. So and So is the doctor that I have seen more than the other doctors in the practice for what ever reason but ever since we found out about Bennett he has been very sensitive and nice so I've been considering him for the c-section. My friend Renee recommended him and has always said he was nice so I just assumed this is how he was and I liked him as well) So I said " Umm, nooo, he does??!!" I knew he had 4 boys because he mentioned it one time when Harper was having a complete meltdown while he was trying to talk to me and he said he understood, he had 4 boys. But he has never given me any reason to believe he has a child with DS. How crazy is that?? So I said to the tech, he's never mentioned it and she was surprised but said maybe he's just private about his family.
So I'm waiting for him to come in and I'm thinking should I say something? When he comes in he still does not give me any clues that he knows how I might feel or that he understands or that hey, I have a child with DS too, although he's very nice of course but if the tech didn't tell me today, I still would not have known! So I said nothing. As he was going over the date for the c-section he said Dr. Pelini would be the one doing the c-section and I'm thinking: wait, I want you to do it! He then says he will be off that day but he may come in to help with the c-section. I'm like, okay, why on earth would you do that but wow and great!
Then I go to meet with the nurse who schedules the c-sections and I ask her about Dr. So and So's son and she confirms it as well. I asked her why he wouldn't say anything and she said he is a private man and doesn't really talk about any of his sons. I said well do you know if his son with DS is doing okay and how old he is? She said she's seen plenty of pictures in his office and he's adorable, he's about 11 now and he is their third son, they had no idea he had DS until he was born. She then said, "You know he is offering to come in on his day off to help deliver your son?" I said "Yes I know, that's very kind and he doesn't have to do that but I would love it if he was there." How sweet is that??
I mean, how crazy is this?? For some reason I feel so much better about everything, just knowing one of my own doctors has this in common with us is really neat. What are the chances of that? I just wish he would say something! So what do you think, should I bring it up to him?? I see him in two weeks. Should I say something like, I have a personal question and you don't have to answer this but I've heard you have a son with DS, how is he??? Do you think it's strange he hasn't said anything? Do you think it's crossing the privacy line for him if he did? Obviously the nurses didn't' think it was that private. The c-section nurse said she thinks I should ask him about it next time. But I'm telling you, he is not giving me any signs that he would have a son with DS other than just being nice and offering to come in on his day off to help with my surgery! I still can't believe it. Never in a million years would I have thought my doctor had a son with DS. Too ironic!
Now I'm feeling bad because I mentioned to him today that I want everyone (doctor's and staff) aware at Bennett's birth that we know about his diagnosis and I don't want it to be awkward or sad and that I've talked with some moms about their birth experience (they did not know about the baby having DS) and how the staff treated them. As soon as I said that I thought, oh crap, I bet he and his wife didn't know (which of course now I do know that they didn't know) but I guess I just assumed he being a doctor would know?? But he didn't seem weird about it and said he would make sure that everyone was aware and didn't think it would be a problem. Oh, I wish I hadn't said that but it's too late now!
1. Congrats on the date. YAY!
ReplyDelete2. I wouldn't worry one second about what you said re: wanting drs to know about B's Dx and that you're not sad. You are taking care of you, and that's what's important in this birth experience.
3. I'm a big mouth, but I'd totally say something to him. Jut casual like, "Hey, thanks so much for coming in on your day off to help with B's birth. It means so much to me, even more so because you understand how we feel.
Awesome! Lila's primary doctor in the NICU has a son with DS. I always felt better when he was there. Don't feel bad about what you said to him about the delivery- he understands. So excited for you guys!
ReplyDeletei have chills! how cool! so glad you got a date too!
ReplyDeleteOh, having a date makes it awesome!! We scheduled my (2nd) C-section at my 10-week appointment!
ReplyDeleteI think you should say something to the doctor. It's not like it's a secret.
We didn't know when Benjamin was born, but no one acted weird or anything, even though I later realized they all knew as soon as he was born. Everyone acted wonderfully and like all was normal. About an hour later, my OB came in the recovery room and told me. I could tell it was extremely hard for him, and I heard later through the grapevine that he was pretty upset about it for a couple of days. But, honestly, I am so glad that I didn't know. God knew that not knowing was best for us. :)
I knew there was a reason that we met - now I know! WOW! I knew I liked this doctor - now I know! Your girls were terrific here today - as always! I am expecting the girls to be here for your next appointment! Think warmer weather & spa day!
ReplyDeleteSO very cool! When Ethan was transported to the Children's Hospital, one of the pediatric surgeon's came in to talk with us in the NICU. He has a bio son with Ds, and has even adopted a handful more- also with Ds. He gave me my initial resources. I will forever be grateful to him for taking that time to come and ease our fears.
ReplyDeleteawesome news your got the date you wanted :) also, that is REALLY AWESOME that your Dr. is offering to come in on his day off and that one of his son's also has Ds!!! I think you could say something since obviously his nurses and techs know - maybe mention that in the ultrasound they mentioned about his son and you feel really reassured to know that he is going to be there to help with Bennett's delivery and maybe he will open up and share a little with you! that is pretty unbelievable, you are right - what are the odds???!!! :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome, how wonderful to finally have a date!. Let me start off saying dont feel bad about wanting everyone at the hosp to know that Bennett will have DS...that is very important. I knew that William would probably have DS and told the nurses and staff when I was in the hosp. having him...but everyone still tip-toed around the issue (kind of weird)
ReplyDeleteI love the fact that your Dr has a son with DS...that is too cool. He may not mention anything to you b/c he may not want to get too personal????I dont think it would be out of place to talk to him about it though.
Good luck
You know, it's a really cool thing that this Dr. has something to share on a deeper level with you and your family. GOD put him in your path for a reason, even if its just to give you comfort during this time of great stress (cutting open your gut is stressful)!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone that you should ask him about it when you meet with him in two weeks. I'd tell him how much I appreciate him taking the time to come in and assist with B's birth, especially because of the situation and lead into a possible question about his son. I'm sure he'll share, once he knows that YOU are ok with all of this that's happening to you. Stop and think that maybe the reason he doesn't mention it is because he's not certain about how YOU are handling the news about Bennett.
I'm with you about making sure everyone involved in his birth knows that it's not a bad thing that Bennett is like he is.....GOD planned him that way!
Isn't it neat to know exactly what day he'll be born???? I'll be praying with you over this....GOD will give you peace about what to say.
I'm so excited you got the date that you were wanting! That will be so awesome! And about the doctor, I don't think you should hold back from asking him, I bet he wouldn't mind! And the way you said you might say it sounds really good too! I know what you mean about a comfort having a doctor with a child with Ds, Gage's cardiologist has a child with Ds as well! I think he would love to talk to you about it, although he might not say much though... Our doctor told us his son has Ds, told us his age, and that was about it, he acted like that was all he wanted to say. I would say "go for it!"
ReplyDeleteI found your blog via Finnians Journey. Sounds like you are getting ready for a new little one to come, how exciting and congratulations. We have a little boy 8 months old with D's, he is amazing and I am excited for your journey to begin.
ReplyDeleteIt won't be long now. I wouldn't take any offense to what you said so I wouldn't worry about it. I don't hesitate to approach anyone that has a child with ds. We can learn so much from eachother. I would mention it to him.
ReplyDeleteI think it would be fine if you just mention to your doctor that his nurses told you that he has a son with Ds. I think it's wonderful that he's coming in on his day off to help. I bet he feels a close connection with you.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your upcoming arrival!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter with Ds is 11, and I can hardly believe how the time has passed!
As everyone else has commented, please don't second guess yourself about what you said to the doctor. I'm sure that he was pleased that you are being proactive. There's nothing that could could possibly say that would offend him. I'm surprised he's been so private about it--we moms tend to just blab all over the place!
It's hard to believe this, but I've found it to be true for many families: When a baby is born with Down syndrome it sometimes feels as if the baby is 10% your child, and 90% Diagnosis. But over the course of the first year, it turns out that it's really 90% regular ol' lovin' baby, and 10% diagnosis. And even now, 11 years later, I hardly ever think about what Down syndrome is to Hannah. She's just herself, and I can't tease out what's Hannah and what's Ds. She's a package deal, 100% herself.
Best wishes as you prepare for Bennett's arrival. He is wonderfully and fearfully made.
He may well not have said anything in case he makes you feel uncomfortable or it seems like he's saying 'I know how you feel' when he realises that it's different for mums and dads. He may also feel that with an 11 year old that that is a big step that you may not want to take yet and of course if his son had no cardiac issues he may be being considerate of what Bennett and you guys have to face in the future with that.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry about what you said and perhaps just say thank you to him for coming in to help with your section, that it means a lot coming from somone who can really understand.
Keep us updated when you can.
Penny Green
Down's Heart Group
www.dhg.org.uk