Monday, May 10, 2010

Raising Bennett



As Bennett approaches his first birthday, I've been looking back at some of my older posts, the ones before he was born. The first post I ever wrote, "Our Story", was a very honest description of how I was feeling at the time. I was scared and still very sad- I had only found out 2 weeks prior to writing it. This picture of him was taken at 24 weeks, the same time we found out about what type of heart defect he had. But I've always had the mentality of- if I can't change it then I must embrace it some how. Now on the flip side of that, if I can change it, I totally obsess over it and do everything I can to fix it-not always good, I know.

But the thing is, is that I can't change how God made Bennett. The more I think about it though is that God gave me a son, simple as that. And to most people in the world God gave me a son that has a disability, a son that is imperfect. But having Bennett, I've realized that I don't think God sees Bennett the way us humans do. In fact people like Bennett (those with Down syndrome or other disabilities) tend to grow up living lives that God prefers us to live. Loving unconditionally, forgiving, accepting others for who they are, slowing down and taking the time to enjoy life and for the most part loving life and living it to it's fullest. I'm not saying they are "perfect angels" but perhaps not knowing or fully comprehending all the sin in this world, they are able to show us how we should live. I don't like to say God sent me this angel but I'm starting to think that he does send people like Bennett into the world to show
us something,

something simple that seems imperfect but yet if you look closely you see perfection.

I was talking to a friend the other day and telling her how I first felt when I found out about Bennett and how oblivious I was to Down syndrome. I told her how things like Down syndrome simply didn't "fit" into my life plan so it never occurred to me that any child of mine could have it. Having a child with special needs happened to other people but not us. And sometimes it's still hard for me to believe that I have a child with "special needs", that one of my children has that label. And it's not because I think "I'm too good for that", it's just, I guess you just don't ever think it's going to happen to you, because again, it's not in your plans.

I have to say raising Bennett this past year has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Now when I look at him, I can see what God sees, a perfect little baby that is going to show us how we should live. He's already teaching us to slow down and enjoy each and every day. He's changed my heart to show more compassion to those that are in need and to not turn my head when I see someone that is disabled but instead to smile and say hello. He's taught me not to fear the unknown. He's taught me to accept what I've been given and to totally embrace it.

I can honestly say I'm no longer upset or hurt that I have a child with Down syndrome. Sure, it's a huge change in my plans but the more I realize, "my plans" never really existed.

I'll end with two quotes I read recently (my friend Susan always has great quotes:))


25 comments:

  1. And now I'm crying like a baby! Thank you for sharing...again. It's so hard to justify why things happen the way they do, but I finally (almost!) have realized my plans are never my own. And the hardest part is trusting that things happen exactly when they are supposed to. You are such a special mother and friend. I hope you have a great week! :)

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  2. Oh and he's so dang cute! I love how they don't know hate, they only know love. We could learn a lot by being like them!

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  3. What a beautiful post Adrienne! Bennett is blessed to have you for a mommy!!

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  4. I LOVE this Adrienne. I just love it. Thank you for putting into words how so many of us feel.

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  5. Great post, loved reading it! And the quotes are great, too!

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  6. What a wonderful post- tears streaming down my face! Remember- you are blessed beyond measure to be a chosen one. One whom God handpicked to raise such an angel.
    Although Charlie is not quite 9 months, his life has blessed us more than I could have ever imagined. Every single day something amazing happens because of him. Some days it's as simple as a smile that puts everything into perspective, and other days it's something much "bigger"- reaching for me...arms wide open in full acceptance. And that's how our Father sees each of us. Arms wide open in full acceptance. I praise God that He is using Charlie in that way- to make each of us realize so many things about life and His love. I am sure that Bennett has changed your life in miraculous ways. I can't imagine ever going back to the way I was before Charlie.
    Thank you again for this wonderful post!! And thank you so much for Charlie's button!
    Amazed by HIS grace,
    E

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  7. Great post, Adrienne. I think I have learned more about faith and just trusting God since Miss B was born than in the rest of my life put together--thank you for explaining that so well!

    Can't wait to hear about Bennett's birthday!

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  8. Beautiful, its like you pulled the words straight from my heart!

    In the 9 short months since Kaitlyn arrived my heart too has changed forever, I LOVE who she is and who she is transforming me to be!

    Happy Mother's Day Adrienne!

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  9. Oh Adrienne, you made me cry because it was such a great post! I can just feel what you are saying...

    thanks for sharing! Can't wait for this weekend! :)

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  10. This is so very well said. Thank you for posting this. He's still the most adorable little man.

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  11. beautiful, and such a darn cutie pie

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  12. Ugh, tears here, too. Thanks for the sweet reminder. Our children are beautiful and perfect the way they were created. We're the ones with a defect apparently. Beautiful post -- I hope all mothers with a prenatal diagnosis of Ds find your post.

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  13. Beautiful post!! I've had so many similar feelings and revelations. I love how you said "something simple that seems imperfect but yet if you look closely you see perfection." Perfect!

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  14. What a beautiful post and so very true.
    Caroline

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  15. Very sweet Adrienne. I remember too, worrying about everything but Ds when I was pregnant because I knew that something like that would never happen to me. But it did happen to me and that's ok. It's been an adjustment but I feel I am a better person for it. I am thankful too.

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  16. i just keep nodding my head, up and down, up and down...it's all very true. and just wait--bennett will continue to surprise you and show you--just wait! loved it adrienne!

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  17. I love your post. Thank you :) And Bennett's picture at the end gave me the biggest smile ever!

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  18. beautiful post, i can't aggree more... what a handsome little man:)

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  19. What an honest and beautiful post! So relatable and perfectly stated:) Thanks for sharing this..........Bennett is so lucky to have you as his mommy:)

    BTW, I love the pics.....he is such a handsome little guy:)

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  20. This is a beautiful post! Very well said. Here's another quote about "our plans"

    "We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." --Joseph Campbell

    I can't imagine my life without Morgan. She has changed our whole family. . . for the better!

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  21. what a sweet post! and so true! i never knew or thought i would want this either but now that i have it i woudn't change it if i could...lots of people get to raise kids...but not everyone gets the opportunity that we have been given...it has changed our lives only for the better...:) he is absolutely adorable by the way....

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  22. Really lovely post. Thank you for putting this into words. I feel the same way. My fear and guilt and sadness have melted away revealing something indescribably magical. What a gift! What a wake up call.

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  23. Just reread this post and wanted to comment on the part where you said that you now try to remember to stop, smile at, or speak to a disabled child. I thought about a lady I "met" at a checkout counter one day. Remember how I've said before that, for years, I've wanted to adopt a little boy with Ds? I even had the name "Andrew" picked out and that Bennett reminds me of that Andrew I had often dreamed about. Well, several years ago I approached a checkout in the mall. A lady stood beside me holding a little boy looking much like your Bennett, dark hair and eyes, chubby little thighs, and those telling almond eyes. Happy and joyful, too. :) I couldn't help but stare at him. I smiled at her and asked, "Is he yours?" She smiled back, hesitantly and said he was her grandson. I said, "I'll bet he's your joy, isn't he?" Relief and gratitude flooded her face and her smile lit up. She started gushing about how precious he was. Then volunteered that he was healthy, too. Talk turned to number of grandchildren. She confided that her daughter was afraid to have more~ even though they adored him. Just that his therapy and stuff kind of consumed their time~ something like that. Soon, we parted ways. I'll never forget her timid smile, then the pure joy on her face when she realized I thought they were blessed. Oh, before we parted, I asked his name.... Andrew. I told her it suited him perfectly (gift from God). I felt blessed to meet them and hope it blessed her too. She looked so relaxed and happy to just share her grandma joy with someone. No comments, no personal questions asked, just acceptance. I wonder how often she really gets to revel in the joy that is him, especially after watching your video.
    Chalk that one up to ignorance on Jennifer's part and send her a picture of Bennett or a link to your blog. Keep raising awareness and advocating for that boy. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave Bennett to you and you to Bennett. God bless.

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