Father's Day...

....well of course it won't be the same. A few days ago I would have mailed my dad a present and a card and on Sunday I would wait until after he and my mom got back from church to call and wish him a happy father's day. He would have then asked what we were doing and what I had planned for dinner for Mike since he was a father too;) He liked to tease me because he knew I didn't like to cook.

The song playing is the song we danced to at my wedding. Every single verse is so true. I miss him more than anything and I so wish I could call him on Sunday. I guess I've been super busy and I haven't let myself "go there" lately when it comes to my dad but with Father's Day coming up, how can I not?

As sad as I am about him no longer being here, I am so very thankful my dad was there for so many big events I had in my life. Big swim meets, graduations, my wedding, the kid's being born, our first house, baptisms. He was there for it all and I have wonderful pictures of it to cherish. But my dad was there for the not so big things too, it was just nice to have him there.

My dad was predictable and I can just play out what he would say once we move down to North Carolina. He'd familarize himself with the new house, give suggestions when I asked about projects (I always had projects for my dad and he always did them), he'd tell us he really liked it and he would study the way it was built.

I often find myself playing back the last time I saw him and how he seemed so uncomfortable but still tried to act like he wasn't. You know how you feel when your child is hurt and you hate to see them hurt? That's how I still feel, I still cry over what the melanoma did to him even though I know good and well he's totally fine now. He's better than fine. But it still hurts to know he wasn't fine and that he was in pain. I think a part of me still wants to fix it. Like, what could we have done to save him? As if it would change the outcome now. I still just can't believe he's gone. Because, well, that just wasn't in my plan.

I guess this is all just part of the grieving process.

So even though I won't be able to call him this Sunday, I'll forever be thankful for the pictures I have of him. Even without the pictures, I don't need them to remind me that he was the best dad in the whole world.

"Maybe, I don't know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because

I was loved by you."