"It's not all hugging and the special olympics"...

Ha!  Well isn't that the truth?  

So hear me out.  

I heard this on a Grey's Anatomy recently and the episode (which you may have seen) had a small part about one of the doctors trying to decide if she should have an amniocentesis because she's slightly older (increased risk for DS) and her partner (another doctor) doesn't necessarily want a "special needs baby".

So it got me thinking.

No, I'm not going to write about an amnio and whether a mom should find out or not.  I am going to tell you that in fact the one doctor is right, it's not all hugging and the special olympics.  Again though, hear me out.

 It's hard having a baby that's "different" from most babies.  But don't go thinking, yeah, I could never do it.  

Right now I'm having a hard time in general.  With life "stressors" to be honest.  I've got quite a few things on my plate and while I've always thought "I can deal with it", "Just suck it up Adrienne and keep on keepin' on", "You're used to being stressed." I guess I can't really "deal" with it.  I mean I can, and I will but I'm not dealing with it so well right now.  And sure others are in more stressful situations but I guess we all handle things differently.  I'm not going to go into details and I don't want to sound like another mom that's majorly stressed out because aren't we all?  Oh and for the record, having a child with special needs really isn't my main stressor, just one of many.

But you see, I've got this super competitive personality and I'm rather impatient {probably doesn't go well with stress, huh?} and why God thought I would be a good mom to a child with special needs is sometimes questionable, well at least to me.  Like:
"Really God, you know how I am, you really think I can handle a child that is most likely going to be doing things later than children that are even younger than him?"

"Don't you know that hurts my pride just a tad?"-as if He cares if it hurts my pride!

"And really, can I deal with having to work on things over and over with him, you know how impatient I am, right?"  "Right???"

Yep, He knows exactly how I am.  And yet He still chose me and Mike of course.  But Mike's not really like me, that's why we work well together.  He handles stress very differently.  However, even though I sometimes find it odd that God thinks knows that I can do this, I'm still so thankful that God chose me {us}.

Raising a child with special needs {for me anyway} is like riding an emotional roller coaster at all times.    Clicking your way up to the top of the hill can be scary and rather stressful, okay super stressful but once you've reached the top, man, it's like you're on top of the world.  I mean, you've never felt so good.  It's hard to explain but the pure joy you experience is quite remarkable.   You've got your hands up in the air with a big smile on your face!  And I don't care if your kid just rolled over for the first time, you're going to scream it from the roof tops that....

"My kid just rolled over!!!"

lil' B at 4 months 


"No really, MY KID JUST ROLLED OVER!"

But then going down, you know you've got another steep hill to climb and the frustration creeps in, the fact that your kid is delayed shows up almost everywhere you look.

The highs are high, like really high, higher than you ever thought but the lows can be really low and sometimes lonely.

How is one to cope with it all?  One that is competitive, a worry wart, a bit of a stress ball, if you will?  Asking herself "Should I being doing more?"  "Should we try that with Bennett?"  As if not doing one specific thing is going to effect Bennett's entire future...I know, silly.

  I suppose a lot of it is fear.  Isn't it true that when we have our future painted out in front of us, for the most part and it's not necessarily the future you imagined, there is a lot of fear involved?   For example in my case:  your son has Down syndrome so the general consensus is:  he may never learn things most kids learn, he may never drive, he may never go to college, or live on his own, etc.


 Hello F.E.A.R!!!


Nope, it's not all hugging and the special olympics.

BUT {and this is a huge but, like the biggest but ever}

The highs are high baby.  And those lows aren't from God.  Not the God I know.

Oh, I still haven't figured this whole thing out.  Like I said, I've got some things going on that are telling me I'm not handling all the stress in my life like I should be.  I think it may be an accumulation of stress that I've stored away for years.  And I'm not quite sure how I'm going to tackle it all at this very moment.

Maybe get back into yoga, more time for me, better diet-lol-I don't know!  But what I do know, is that I'll take every stress there is that comes with Bennett and him having Down syndrome because I'm pretty sure, around the corner is a huge

"My kid just rolled over!!"


moment and well, frankly...

...it's all worth it.

Every.Stressful.Bit of it.

Because when this little guy smiles at you after doing something grand, your heart melts, seriously melts.

And the rest of it, well I've got some work to do.  And yes, I suppose I still have some work to do as far as my issues with Bennett go too though: not doing this or that, comparing him to others, etc.  But I wouldn't change it, I wouldn't change Bennett {okay maybe I'd like to change the fact that he's not eating solid food at 21 months but whatever};).


So while "it's not all hugging and the special olympics", those "highs" do stand out.  And they far outweigh the stressful, scary hills leading up to them.

Easily.