Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Life....

Well once again, life has taken a wrong turn, according to our plans and once again, it's during the holidays. Not that it really matters what time of year it is but December is supposed to be a happy month, a joyful month, a festive month. And for the most part it is and despite what has happened in the past during this time and what is happening now, it still was and is a happy time.

There still was/is happiness, there still was/is joy and there still was/is holiday festivities. It's just hard to believe it's at the same "happy" time. We've happened to be with my parents during the past two hard times that affected Mike and I directly. They were there to help us, guide us, pray for us and suffer with us.

But now it's my parents that are directly affected.

My dad's Melanoma is back and it's not good.

I know I've mentioned this before but Melanoma has struck my family in the past with my dad's father, my dad's sister and now it's my dad and since March he's been fighting it. After losing his sister this summer who had Melanoma as well, it's almost too hard to believe. I truly never knew that Melanoma could be this bad but now, I know all too well.

I've done research, I've joined forums, I've read blogs. Once again I find myself becoming an "expert" in a thing that I never wanted to know this much about (although Melanoma is way more complicated than Down syndrome). In true "Adrienne fashion", my obsessive/compulsive personality has come out in full force to do whatever I can to help my dad.

At times I feel strong, knowledgeable, hopeful and want to shout:

"My dad's gonna kick melanoma's ass!"

And then there are times I crumble in my tears, like a 2 year old, out of pure fear and sadness. Does God hear our prayers? Does he see our pain? Doesn't he see us crying? Does he know our fears? Does he even care? The answer, I truly believe and always will no matter what, is:

YES.

The hardest thing to do sometimes is fully trust God and accept that His will, will be done. I know people tend to turn their backs on God when he doesn't answer prayers according to their will. But I guess I've never had good results by turning my back on God. I don't feel any better, the pain is still there. Don't get me wrong, I've definitely been mad at God in the past. But again, the pain doesn't go away, it gets me nowhere.

So yes, life has taken a very wrong turn according to our plans. My dad will have to endure toxic medications to try and kill this thing over the next several weeks. While others celebrate with Christmas parties my dad will be in a hospital room fighting a battle. This toxic treatment may work or it may not. If it doesn't work we move on to another treatment. But I'll have all of you know, through all of this, my dad has kept a smile on his face. Surgery after surgery, medicine that made him feel like crap, radiation- through it all, he's been amazing!

But with all this yucky cancer talk,

There is most definitely still hope.

It won't be easy. It won't be "warm and fuzzy", we all know that. But with a positive, hopeful and prayerful attitude I know God will be there with my dad and us every step of the way.

This is where my dad belongs, on his lawn mower;) NOT in a hospital bed. NOT battling cancer.

"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I"

Psalm 61:2

Thanks to the friend that led me to this verse;)

As always, prayers are greatly appreciated.

26 comments:

  1. So sorry Adrienne. I'll be praying for your Dad, you and your family. You have an amazingly beautiful attitude.

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  2. We will be praying for complete healing for your dad and peace for all of the family in the waiting. Sounds like your dad has cancer beat already with his positive attitude. God does hear our prayers, sometimes he uses these bumps in the road to draw us closer to him, I know this from my own cancer 6 years ago.

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  3. Oh - so sorry to read this. Prayers for you and your family.

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  4. praying my friend, your Faith is the light during this dark time, others can see and gain hope as well, like I said before "it was NEVER supposed to be this way".... keep swimming.

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  5. I read this with tears in my eyes for you and for your family. I will be praying for healing and comfort for your dad as he endures all of this and for peace and comfort for you and the rest of your family. Many ((((hugs)))) to you all.

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  6. Continuing to pray for you and your family...Colin sends you all a big hug!

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  7. This cancer has also touched our family and it had been overcome...so don't ever give up hope that there is light after the darkness. We will continue to pray for your entire family, that they Lord will grant you all strength.

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  8. Prayers for you and your entire family! Cancer sucks!!!!

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  9. Praying for you and your family.

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  10. When I started reading this post, I was so hoping it wouldn't be bad news about your Dad. I hate cancer...with a passion! I am sad that he has to battle this thing especially over the holidays. Please let your Dad know that I am praying for him and that Emily is fighting the big "C" right there with him!

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  11. I love your perspective! All you an do is except His will and know that he is mindful or us all! Keep you chin up!! Your dad will gain strength from YOU!

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  12. I'm so sorry. Prayers for your father.

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  13. Praying for your Dad , you and all your family.

    {{HUGS}}
    Caroline

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  14. Oh Adrienne...I am so sorry your family is facing this especially around the holidays...sometimes though having family strong and around each other during the holidays and remembering God is holding you all together is the reason for the season...I will be praying for your father...We have fought cancer in our family and it is tough...but remain the strong girl you are and be there for your daddy...strength will come from within and your dad will feel comfort with all the prayers that will be said for him. It is ok to let emotion out though girl and good for the soul, so yes remain strong, but it is ok to shed tears too...as you and I and so many know we have all been there with hurt, tears , anger, but with support, prayers, love, friends and family we all overcome it and I feel that your dad will put up a good fight with this and I pray he beats it!...I feel that you have an amazing family and know prayers from California will be said everyday...xoxo

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  15. oh Adrienne, here's a secret. I don't have a Dad I can talk about or would even choose to speak about. And the way you love your dad is so beautiful. I cry everytime you post about him.

    I'm so sorry this monster has invaded your lives.
    We are all going to stand with you and see you and your sweet dad through this.

    All my prayers...

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  16. praying from Texas! "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

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  17. Praying for all of you, especially your Dad!

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  18. I'm very sorry to hear this Adrienne. Thinking of you and your family.

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  19. So many hugs and prayers headed your way. I know this is a tough time for you and your family, but continue to have faith that your dad will win this battle!

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  20. So sorry to hear that the cancer is back. I will be praying for your dad and your family. The picture of your dad looks so much like my dad. He has a mower just like your dad's. When we were home at Thanksgiving, Rachel could not get enough of riding with her grandpa on his lawnmower. My dad continues to fight cancer also. He was diagnosed with inoperable prostate cancer almost twenty years ago. He takes medication everyday to keep it in remission. I will be keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers and praying that despite the circumstances you all can share a very special Christmas together.

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  21. Thinking of you and will continue to pray for your dad and your entire family as he starts this new treatment...

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  22. I'll keep praying for your family and your dad, that this is cured, and quickly. Hugs from central IL!!

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  23. oh adrienne - i am so incredibly sorry to read this post and definitely will keep you, your dad and your whole family and all of the people who know and love your dad in my prayers!!!!

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  24. Sorry to hear about your dad. Sending hugs to you at this time. Last year we celebrated Christmas knowing that it was my mom's last couple of months. Believe it or not we were able to create some nice memories and live in each moment. It was not easy. However each minute is a gift to cherish and time to make a memory. Hugs

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  25. I don't know you, I've just recently found your blog. I am a mama to four boys and one sweet almond eyed angel. I can relate to your fear, that of losing one of your, if not the biggest supporter. We need every one to help us on our journey and I will be praying for your family, for complete healing. I enjoy your posts.

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