Feeling a little deflated but....

So this month is almost over and I'm feeling a tad deflated right now.

I'm feeling deflated because October is Down syndrome awareness month and I haven't posted much about it on my blog but should have-ugh!  I know, we just moved into our house, we're getting settled, blah, blah, blah-I have an excuse...whatever.

I'm feeling a little deflated because 2 people have used the word "retarded" in my presence this past week and I didn't say anything and I should have.  I can come up with excuses for why I didn't speak up  but still, there should be no excuse for that.

I'm feeling a little deflated because sometimes I can't stand how hard Bennett has to work at something and how mad and upset he gets when we make him work-like just to walk across the room to get to me.  It comes so darn easily for other kids.  I'm over it!

I'm feeling a little deflated because I don't know what the right decision is for Bennett's preschool-as if whatever I decide makes or brakes it for the rest of his life.  And then I think:
 it's been so easy with the girls and school, why does it have to be so hard with Bennett?  Preschool and kindergarten shouldn't be this overwhelming thing.

But...

{I've always got a huge "But" when it comes to Bennett}

And this is with tears streaming down my face, I wouldn't change a damn thing.  I mean that with all my heart.  I may not have posted a whole lot about Down syndrome {but should have} this month because life got in the way but this is the truth:  I may cry in my car after leaving physical therapy once in a while or after walking the feeding therapist to the door because I'm so sick of therapies, I may see a child Bennett's age do things that he's not even close to doing and feel mad, I may get annoyed with the fact that I still have to spoon feed my child, and I may not know if I'm making the right decision with Bennett's future but I wouldn't change a thing because that would mean changing Bennett.  And that's just something that I couldn't imagine.

If you don't get one thing I write, at least get this, this is what I do know:  Raising a child with Down syndrome is not scary.  It is not a burden. It is not a waste of time.  Yes, sometimes I feel deflated because it does seem to take a lot more effort to raise a child with Down syndrome, more emotionally than anything really. But I have always told any new mom that has contacted me about how scared they are to have a child with Down syndrome:

Any hardship, deflation, sadness, jealousy, fear or exhaustion you are feeling will totally be outweighed by the absolute pure joy you will feel from your child.  It is a joy like nothing you've ever felt, maybe because you've been broken down so much (emotionally) and then just when you think you can't take it any more God {at least I think so} steps in.  And your kid does something that makes your heart swell, seriously it's amazing.  Until you've experienced it, it's hard to explain.  But God knows what you're going through, just when you need that lift, just when you're feeling totally deflated, He steps in.

Again, through everything I wouldn't change a thing except for maybe the way people see my son.  And perhaps the way people throw around a word that is very hurtful and don't realize it.  Guess I have to speak up more for them to realize it though.

While I don't plan on changing my son, I do plan on changing how others see Down syndrome.  I hope I've been able to do that a little with this blog over the last 2 years or so, at times deflated and other times totally elated.

So feeling deflated today but I know there's something big {no matter how small it may be to others} around the corner, there always is...

And I'll be sure to share it.