Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Right now...I'm comfortable.

So I've been doing some thinking, some observing, some reflecting.  

Right now I'm very comfortable with my life and with my family.  I'm mainly very comfortable with this whole Down syndrome thing.  It's something that comes and goes...I know, I know... blah, blah, blah.  Sometimes it's a big deal and then sometimes it's not such a big deal.  And right now as I watch Bennett interact with others, and how others interact with him, I'm comfortable with it.  I remember when we first found out before he was even born how worried I was about what people would say, or think, or do.  But right now people accept him and they really have throughout all of his short life.  Do we have awesome friends and family or what??!!;)

Right now though I notice this mainly at the pool because this is where we are 90% of our time during the hot summer days.  (The other 10% is at Target and people LOVE him there too-lol;)) But it's either swim lessons, swim team practice, swim meets or just general swimming at the pool.

Right now everyone thinks Bennett is "precious", "so cute", "a doll", "adorable", "so sweet".  And I have to admit he is at an age where he is all of these things and more.  And I know it's very obvious now that he has Down syndrome.  In other words...people know.  As soon as you look at him you know, and of course that's fine.

But randomly I wonder what pregnant women think when they see him at the pool or around town though, ya know?  Because I've caught quite a few looking.  Some will ask how old he is and just watch him and smile.  I wonder if they're surprised, if they wonder, if they're relieved (because they somehow know their baby is "normal") or if they think that's nice but glad it's not me.  Lots of people watch Bennett and smile though and I can't help but feel good about it at our little neighborhood pool because in some way it shows me that his community accepts him and thinks he's pretty cool.

He flirts with the life guards, saying "Hi!" and "Hello" and then "Bye-Bye" and "Later" when we leave.  Little girls and teenage girls always smile and laugh and think he's so sweet.  He asks every random man or friend that is a man to hold him and then snuggles with them and they all love it.

But I guess the big question is, will it always be this way?  I don't know.  I mean really, NO, I know it won't.  I'm not naive.  And I'm kind of a realist anyway.  "Negative Nelly"you could say.  But perhaps if we live here long enough the neighborhood will come to know him as Bennett- the sweet little boy with Down syndrome and love him and accept him.  However, I know the bad times will come.  The times where he'll be teased and I will have to do everything in my power to not go full out "mama bear" on whoever talks bad about my boy. The emotions that are wrapped up in Bennett are so strong and this fierce urge to protect him is like no other so right now I can't imagine what I'd do because up until this point he's always been treated so nicely.   How do I tame the strong emotions?  How do I control the "mama bear" tendencies and the temper I have when someone tries to "harm" my boy?

Goodness, I don't know.  That's something that I'll have to take to God because only He can give me the strength to know what to do and how to act.

I guess for now I'll just enjoy the fact that my son is loved, he's accepted, he's treated fairly, he's treated like any other kid (which is all I want by the way).  And when the time comes that he's treated poorly I'll simply have to count on God to give me the strength to know how to handle it.  Can't promise the "mama bear claws" won't come out but I'm praying that God can give me the grace to know how to handle it.

You know NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would I ever think I would be okay with having a child with Down syndrome.  That I would be comfortable with it.  That may sound vain but most of you know I've always been honest on this blog and to be honest Down syndrome is not what I ever wanted or planned.  But I'm totally cool with it now and I know Mike is too.  I think we're both like "Whatever!  This is our life, we like it, we're down with it and all is good."

And let me tell ya, that's a good place to be in!  That's where God's plans come into play when you weren't expecting them, smack you in the face and make you realize, "Hey, maybe His plans are better than mine!"

God has done that to me so many times in my life and I think that's why it's "easy" (okay not always easy;0) for me to just accept His plans now when they aren't mine.  Even in the HARDEST circumstances.

Right now I'm comfortable....it's a good place to be.  Thanks be to God.  I know seasons will change and storms will come but I also know and believe without a doubt that Bennett was meant to be here just as he is, and God has a perfect little plan for him in this world and I guess it's our job to make him fit where God wants him.

Right now that's here, comfortable in our little community.


  1. Love this. I can honestly say the reason I love Bennett so much goes beyond how "cute and sweet" of a boy he is. It's about what he stands for and right now, he may not even know it. It's about being different in a world that is trying it's darnedest to make everyone alike. He is a teacher, he is a lover, an inspiration, a gentle reminder that it's perfectly okay to live life with an extra chromosome. Y'all better stay put because I can't wait to watch him grow up! :) XOXO

  2. I've written on here in the past that I've been wanting to adopt a little boy with Ds for 13 years~ and in my dreams he looks exactly like Bennett. :) I can't imagine anyone pregnant looking at him and thinking, "better them than me." :) He 's a doll, extra chromosome or not.
    I was in a mall about six or seven years ago and a lady plopped down a chubby, giggling toddler next to me at the checkout counter. He looked exactly like Bennett (and my dream son). She looked a little older than me, but not so much that she couldn't have been his mom. I asked him if he was hers. She hesitated, smiled wearily (cause he was a heavy chunk~lol) and said, "No, he's my grand." I commented, "I'll bet he is a joy." Her face lit up and her smile extended to her hairline. She said, "He really is!" I believe I made her day~ just by expressing my honest opinion. I hope and pray she, her daughter, and Andrew have had other positive comments many times since then. I know things won't always be easy for Bennett and Andrew, but He is watching over them in love. What blessings these children bring to lives! Pity the people that can't/won't see them for who they are. Blessed are those who do. :)

  3. I too wonder sometimes what people are thinking when they smile and say Hi to Asa. Do they really understand? Do they see him as I do? My sweet precious little boy who can make the sunshine brighter by just smiling. Last fall we had our first real birthday party invite, all the kids there were Asa's age and most are going to be in his kindergarten class this fall. There was a pony there for rides and Asa was so excited, he kept saying pony but his version was mony. One little boy (who was obnoxious to begin with) pointed his finger at Asa and said, "He said mony, he said mony!" and laughed. Oh boy let me tell you I had to dig my finger nails into my palms and bite my lip hard not to let Momma Bear come out! Thankfully, he moved away this summer - LOL I know there will be more of this to come and there will be those who just "don't get it" because I have met a few of those along the way and even though you explain how it all works they've forgotten there 7th grade Science lessons. But we are very lucky too to have a community and school that absolutely loves Asa.

  4. I couldn't have said it better myself. I feel the exact same way. I wish I could freeze time. Journey is 16 months and healthy, happy and adorable. Ds doesn't matter. I love love love your blog and all the pics of your family. I found your blog when I got my dx at 20 weeks and it saved me.

  5. This post expressed so man thoughts I've had lately. I'm a few years behind in the journey but I am mostly perfectly okay with it. I never saw it coming but it's just what it is. I 100% agree with the mama bear comments too!!!

  6. I loved this post, I really connected to your thoughts. My son Luke is 2, and just as cute and charming as can be. I worry about how things will change over the years. I get so scared about what can happen when I am not by his side to protect and defend him later. Luckily, like Bennett, he has 2 older siblings to help too. I am loving the feeling of getting comfortable too (besides the worries).

  7. I am feeling the same way lately, comfortable and wondering about the future. My son Luke is 2 and as cute and charming as can be. I worry about the future and the experiences he will have as he grows older and not as "cute" to everyone else. I worry about when I am not by his side to be the mama bear. Luckily, he has two older brothers to look out for him too. Love your blog.

  8. I have followed your blog off and on for a while. Off only because of my own crazy busy life but always have come back to check in your family. I appreciate the honesty with which you have faced your unexpected journey. I see pics of your boy and girls and you are so normal and ordinary. And I mean that in a good way. I agree with you that things may be easier at this time and phase in life (of course enjoy it) but I don't know, maybe because I've changed with my own unexpected journey, although my daughter does not have DS she was born with a CHD. I've always considered myself to be compassionate and a lover of justice for all but now having lived what I have lived I feel a deeper sense of calm when meeting others that may have special challenges. I have a an honest love in my heart for all the people and families who face additional health challenges. We all face challenges though but just want to say that your son looks so happy, so healthy, so loved. I commnend you as a mom, you have done great. He is as lucky to have you as you to have him in your life. HUGS!

  9. I simply cannot imagine people talking negatively about our little ones with Ds, they are too adorable and sweet, BUT, like you, I know it will happen and it breaks my heart. I think about how Calvin is cute cuz he's a baby but what about when he's 20? Then what? It WILL be okay. It will....

  10. Thank you for sharing your story! You have three beautiful children and you are such an inspiration to so many women who are facing similar circumstances. You have touched more lives than you will ever know. Thank you. :)


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