Monday, April 30, 2012

Down and out...

Well I'm not going to lie, this past month has been hard.  We are quickly approaching the anniversary date of my dad passing (May 3rd) and April last year was the ABSOLUTE WORST.  Seeing your VERY STRONG dad wither away yet still believing he could come back and be his normal self and then to get a call from your sister to tell you he's not going to make it...well, let's just say it was down right awful and thinking about it all makes me cry.   I miss him more than words can express and I think about him every day.

April this year has been a whirlwind.  Mainly revolving around Bennett's placement for preschool next year.  I've been emotional, grumpy and down right mean lately.  But I think a lot of it has to do with me missing my dad and just remembering this time last year.

However, I'm REALLY good at busying myself when things are bothering me.  Harper turns 5 on May 2nd so getting ready for her party has definitely kept my mind off of things I'd rather not think about.  Not to mention I've taken on the biggest project to date of mine- redoing the screened in porch so that's kept me very busy as well.

It's weird because I think I thrive on stress or drama (depends on who you're talking to;))- I get bored very easily if I don't have something huge going on or something to keep me running around but I also tend to crumble under stress.   But then I'm also a perfectionist so it's not really a good combo I have going on, is it?

Either way, I haven't done much blogging because I've been in this funk and 99% of it is self induced stress but I think it's my dad's passing that's throwing it all off.  Just don't feel like writing or posting lots of pics and I'm not going to pretend I'm super happy because I'm not, I'm sad about it but I'll get over it soon.

Key things that are coming together and will help me get out of this funk:

  • Harper's fairy party is Saturday and ya'll know how much I love to do b-day parties!  I wasn't going to do one for Bennett this year but changed my mind on that because I really enjoy the planning and decorating and all that-lol.
  • Bennett's preschool placement.  All these evaluations have about sent me over the edge!  No official word yet but our big IEP meeting is May 3rd and we pretty much already know the school he got into but it's not "official".   This school has limited spots and we were beginning to think Bennett didn't have one. Let me just tell you I have agonized over this for almost a year now.  I really feel like part of God's plan and our move down to NC was so Bennett could go to this school.  Every time I think about this school I get all emotional and I'm just so thankful I'm finally at peace with the decision.  We just need to be told by the county that they will support it. 
  • My porch-lol!  Mike and I LOVE sitting out on the porch and while there was nothing really wrong with it before, I just felt it needed my touch;)  BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS.  Literally.  Well not so much tears but definitely blood and sweat and a lot of frustration but I'll share and explain when it's finally complete!
  • Preschool graduation for Harper, her starting kindergarten, the beach etc.
Anyways, that's what's going on with me.  I'll leave you with a few recent pics of the kids because even though they drive me crazy at times when I'm feeling down or stressed, they also make me very happy;)
Ainsley and Harper in their dance costumes and all dolled up:

Bennett just chillin' and having a good ole' time on the (almost finished) porch!  Fairy wand and all...

I'll be back soon, promise!


  1. Hi there :) I am going to be going through the IEP process in July/August for my daughter's placement in September. The first meeting is May 16th. Do you have any tips for me? I'm going today to get an IEP book so I can understand lingo and make sure we are given all my daughter qualifies for.

  2. I'm sorry to see you're having such a rough month, especially considering the anniversary of your dad's passing. I know what you mean when you say you thrive on stress. I think for the most part, all super moms have some sort of masochistic side. It just wouldn't be right if we weren't bringing some sort of harm to ourselves. :) But do remember all that stress does take a physical toll on you, so take care of you too! Have you ever seen National Geographic's "Stress: Portrait of a Killer"? It's on Instant Netflix if you want to take a look. There's a lot of wisdom in the saying, "Let go and let God." Hope next month brings you more joy. :)

  3. Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and sending hugs your way. I can only imagine how challenging this time must be for you in so many ways. I know how trying this IEP process is. Although I am happy and "comfortable" where Colin is, I still struggle with different he in the right place, is he getting everything he needs (did I ask for the right things? How will I know?)? I don't think this will ever be easy...

    Finally, I couldn't believe how much older Harper looked in her picture! Her face has changed so much and they both looked so beautiful! :)

    Miss you...{HUG}

  4. I know it must be so hard approaching that 1 year anniversary, I'll be thinking of you. This post made me smile a little because I am exactly the same way when it comes to always needing a big project yet then I get all stressed and overwhelmed when I have too much ;-) I can't wait to see how the porch came out, our family eats dinner outside just about every night when it comes to this time of year and so I am sure I will be pretty envious of your new porch!

  5. When my daughter was a preschooler, I went to a parent workshop where they explained the "family stress wheel of fortune" - you go along and everything is fine and then BOOM comes the IEP mtg (that annual accounting of everything your child can NOT do - lol) or some other event that throws everything into chaos. But you just keep going and it gets better. My daughter is 22 now, and I find that wheel of furtune still going in our lives, but it gets better and it gets easier as the years go on!

    And a word of advice about preparing for IEP's - get the Wrightslaw book!

  6. I have been admiring your beautiful blog for sometime but when I read the above post it struck such a chord that I felt the need to comment. I lost my Dad to esophageal cancer on May 25, 2010 and May tends to be a difficult month. Watching the such a strong person wither away was devastating. My heart is breaking for you during this difficult time. Thank you for having the strength to post how you are feeling. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Warmest regards, Jody

  7. Love reading your blog! Just wanted to tell you, everything you are feeling about your dad is so, completely, normal. I lost my dad to cancer in November of 2005 and October and November are always, always, super hard for me, along with father's day. It does get better and at times I feel pretty at peace with him being in Heaven, but I have my days, out of no where it hits me like a ton of bricks. Good luck with Bennett and his school placement and please post pics of the new porch, I love your design taste!

  8. I'll be praying for you as you go through this time. Losing a parent is a very tough loss to experience. We lost my mother in law right before my daughter's heart surgery. It was a very emotional time. I'm glad you are finding some peace through Harper.

    Are you guys trying to go to Frankie Lemmon? It looks like a really great place. My daughter, Alaina, is going to White Plains and we haven't had a problem with placement. The problem is with the IEP team whose main goal is to have the teacher provide any services to the child. They try to avoid any actual therapies as those are more costly. I hope you have better luck than I did!


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