Holidays that is.
The first holiday without your loved one.
The first holiday season without my dad.
To catch you up if you just started following: my dad passed away in May from Melanoma. He fought very hard for a year. My dad wasn't old, he was just 66. Worst year of our lives. Full of ups and downs. About drove me to have a heart attack or what I found out later to be panic attacks.
I was thinking about last year at this time when he was just getting over a major surgery and we were preparing for a good holiday season. And it
was a good one.
There's this strange thing when someone you love dearly has stage IV cancer. At least for me, there was this dueling fight between two very different feelings. One being the realistic person that I am: My dad has stage IV Melanoma; incurable, aggressive, fatal in almost all cases.
And then there was what I think occurs to many if not most people that are clinging onto the person they love: The superhero mentality. Meaning, you turn the person that has cancer into a superhero. They will be the one to beat this. They will kick cancer's ass. There is no alternative, the cancer has to go. And you genuinely believe this even when you see the person struggling to breathe, struggling to walk.
That's called HOPE.
And if we didn't have hope how would anyone ever beat cancer? What would be the point?
Last Christmas I took lots of pictures of my dad. More than I usually do because the realist in me told me that this may be the last Christmas I spend with him but then he would say something like: {and this was so my dad, always joking, always wanting to see you smile}
"Why are you taking so many pictures of me? Ya think I'm going somewhere?"
And once again, he was my superhero. But it didn't take cancer for me to feel that way about him.
So while this holiday season will be the first without him and hard, I am so thankful for the fact that our last holiday season with him was wonderful. In fact EVERY.SINGLE.HOLIDAY SEASON was wonderful with my dad. So many perfect memories that I have, all of them put a smile on my face.
He was the best, that's all there is to it.
Miss you dad. I think of you every day. You're still my superhero. Always have been, always will be.